Punch-Out!!: Aran Ryan Got His Hands On Soda Popinski's Soda

So, let's say Aran was a gigantic fan boy of Soda Popinski. So much so that he got into his dressing room and stole some of his soda. So, he drank a few bottles of the steroid laced soda, and basically went crazy. He decided on the spot that he wanted to be a boxer like his idol, Popinski, so he picked up a pair of boxing gloves and, crazed by much more soda than his body could take, pretty much destroyed the boxers leading up to him. It would explain why he's so jittery and eccentric.

Hell, he's probably not even Irish! It's just how he hears himself in his mind!

Bye, Bye, Punch Out!!

It's been fun. However, we've exhausted every lead, and you and I both know what that means! I have to scramble for a new topic lest I displease the 10 people who read this! So, when it has been found out, you'll get an update.

Doc Louis and Mr. Sandman: Competing For Champion at the Same Time?

Imagine that Doc Louis and Mr. Sandman are brothers. They both wanted to be the champ, and both trained as hard as they could. Both made it all the way to the Champion, but Mr. Sandman got there first. Doc Louis couldn't bear to take his brother in the ring, so he realized that he would never become the World Champion. He spiraled into a deep depression, causing him to gorge on chocolate bars. And then he met Little Mac, and realized this kid had potential. His potential. So, he placed all his hopes on him.

Of course, most people probably believe this just because they're both black.

Glass Joe: Payed To Be A Jobber?

 

Look at this guy. He doesn't even look like he wants to be in a fight, much less the ring. He's taken 99 of 100 falls in the fights he's had, with the win probably being the first fight he was ever in, where he actually tried. From there he was picked up to be a jobber. Either that or the fight was against this guy. All the other boxers at least try to fall respectfully, but he flies backward, dropping croissants no less, and thuds on to the ground as powerfully as he can. Now, I know you shouldn't give up, but I think any regular boxer, after losing 99/100 times, would have pursued a career in something more intellectual. But maybe that's just me.

Could Every Player Use One Cheat?

 

Cheating is wrong, kids.

This one is pretty plausible. Think about EVERY player in this game (Glass Joe non withstanding, of course), then think about the cheats they've used. Let's look back on them...

• Soda Popinski: Life-regaining soda
• Great Tiger: uh... Floating
• Bald Bull: Using his head
• Aran Ryan: Horseshoes in his gloves
• Lil' Mac: STAR PAUUUUUUUNCH

And then of course, all the players can use TWO cheats when fighting the Champion, which explains all of Title Defense mode. And those who haven't used cheats before, such as Glass Joe, are probably using one now, such as protective headgear.

To me, it seems intentional.

NOTE:

So sorry for not posting yesterday, but my router had a "DUR HUR YUR GROUNDED FROM THE INTERNET" moment, which has been happening all too frequently lately. Count this as Wednesday's post, and I'll still post on Friday.

NOTE UPDATE:

As a matter of fact, I'll actually post another one today, and another tomorrow, to show how much I appreciate anyone out there who reads this.

Could Title Defense Sandman Have Wanted Little Mac To Win?

Think about it. TD Sandman only had one new move, the Wink Punch. While being the only move in the entire game not telegraphed by the boxer flashing red, it is also the only move telegraphed by the boxer himself. While the titular wink could just fit in with his theme of sleeping, it looks to me more like, "I'm about to hit you, so move out of the way." Maybe he didn't want to bother being champion anymore, what with the cheating galore from your opponents. 

Pretty interesting, if you ask me.

New Topic Decided! It's...

PUNCH-OUT WII!!

...So yeah. It's not going to be as serious as Majora's Mask and Mother 3, but, well, get used to it. It isn't going to be as serious, so for now we're mostly going to be doing silly stuff.

We'll be reviewing such topics as:

• Glass Joe is paid to be a Jobber
• Doc Louis and Mr. Sandman fought for champion at the same time
• Every player is allowed to use one cheat
• There is only one rule in the game, wear gloves
• TD Mr. Sandman wanted Little Mac to win

Stay tuned folks.