Tuesday, 30 March 2010


Due to my schedule lately, I'll pretty much only be able to post randomly. Posts will be few and far between, but I can guarantee better quality. Sorry about that, but there's not much I can do!

Saturday, 27 March 2010

Mega Man: The Original Series Takes Place After An Apocalypse


   The big nuclear war happens. Colleagues Dr. Wily and Dr. Light, knowing that their side lost the war, are playing games in the rubble, being the only ones left. Wily tries to rebuild the world as it was, via mass-producing cheap robots, while Light focuses on making a cyborg as close to human as he can. Being colleagues, they decide to have a friendly competition, and, to test whose plan is the better, pit their robots against each other. 
   Light's story about him building robots for peace and having them stolen by Wily was fabricated to convince Mega Man to fight. Which would explain why he gets released from jail and gets right back to making robots right after he gets defeated. ("I should have known Dr. Wily was behind this the whole time!")   
   But why are there newspapers being printed, covering Dr. Wily's arrest? Well, they were obviously printed by the two doctors, just throwing in random filler, including advertisements for a Cut Man video game, in the hopes Mega Man wouldn't notice.
   But I don't know what all this means for the multiple spin-off series.

   On popular demand, here's my favorite song from Mega Man 10.

Thursday, 25 March 2010

Mother 3: The Alternative Truth of the "Claus Backgrounds"


Remember waaaaaaay back then, when I mentioned that Tanetane Island was originally so scary that it scared Itoi himself?

Well, you'd think that the "Claus" fight on Tane-Tane Island would be more intense than a regular fight with an Eerie Smile. I mean seriously, Claus is your brother that has been missing for 4 years, you'd think he would get a little more special treatment.

It's very likely that the "Secret Boss Fight" connected to the "Claus Backgrounds" may very well have taken part on Tane-Tane Island rather than the end of the game.

Tuesday, 23 March 2010

No More Heroes: The Plot Makes No Sense

Another case of not everything is didactic. Everyone seems to think that everything in the game has a really deep symbolic meaning.

But imagine, if you will, that the plot makes no sense whatsoever, and anything that seems to be coherent about it is all in your head. Suda51 has stated that the inspiration for the game was the entirely bizarre and nonsensical movie El Topo, which was never supposed to make any sense, but involves a gun slinger taking out other assassins.

So basically, he's stated that No More Heroes, like El Topo, isn't supposed to make sense.

Saturday, 20 March 2010

Mother 3: You Are The Dragon

If you've read my first post, you'll know you can move around on the "End?" screen. However, many people don't know that.

But just imagine. You somehow are so coldhearted that you didn't even press any buttons and just immediately turned the game off at the "End?" screen. You are Lucas in this game, and thus you have had your heart passed on to the Dark Dragon. And since you were completely uncaring about these people's fate, you basically instantly destroyed their world. Just like a dragon with a cold heart, such as this hypothetical player, would have.

But then imagine you are a kind-hearted person, which I'll just assume you are, and thus passed a kind heart to the Dragon. You saved the people of Tazmily because you cared about their fate, and started their lives anew.

Another thing about Mother 3 that leaves me absolutely speechless.

P.S. The picture is completely unrelated, but it's just awesome, and there's obviously no pictures of the dragon.

Friday, 19 March 2010

Vacation Time!

Well, I'm going to have to go for the next two weeks, so don't expect many posts after Tuesday. If I have any free time, I will try to post though. Try to manage without me! ;D

Thursday, 18 March 2010

Chibi-Robo: The Chibi-Door Is A Metaphor For Hell

Oh man.

Of course I know that not everything is didactic, but here at ETS we pull out all the stops on theorizing. First of all, to open the door, you lose a bit of your energy, a clear metaphor for losing your soul. Inside the door is money, the supposed "root of all evil". (Well, the actual quote is, "The desire for money is the root of all evil," but whatever.)

And thus we reach the conclusion that sinners wind up in a tiny room with weird music and floating eyes staring at you for the rest of eternity.

And that's what you call scientific theory.

Tuesday, 16 March 2010

Mother 3 (AGAIN?!): Porky Mocks You At The End of the Game

I know what you're thinking. Well, DUR! What else was he doing sticking out his tongue? Trying to lick his nose? Well shut up and let me explain. He isn't mocking Lucas. He isn't mocking Flint, Boney, Kumatora, or Duster. He's mocking you. He knows about the mysterious person who prayed for the Chosen Four in Earthbound. And he knows it was you.

He suspected you would come to assist Lucas in his journey. And he wanted to flaunt the fact that he warped the timeline and made all of your work useless. Just like that. Why else would he have the Memory Boat Ride? Hey, look-- I have the Sky Runner, the Phase Distorter, the Helicopter, and the Submarine. I took them all. I even took Ness's yoyo, his bat, even his house. And what could he do to stop Giygas without all that? Absolutely nothing.

Ness failed. And Porky is making damn sure you notice. I'll say it again. What a little bastard.

Monday, 15 March 2010

Bonus Post: Self Promotion, Oh Man

Seriously guys, feel free to post a comment every now and again. Any suggestions, or anything really would be greatly appreciated.

That said, trolling and spamming will be deleted slowly and cruelly.

Saturday, 13 March 2010

Ocarina of Time: Saria's Song is a Curse

To start with the basics, we all know that the Song of Healing is Saria's Song backwards. And what could playing a song meant to heal backwards do but curse?

We also know that getting lost in the Lost Woods means getting turned into a Skull Kid, dying, into a Stalfos. Yeah, there's no way that can have anything to do with the fact that Saria's Song plays in the background the whole time, no, not at all.

Thursday, 11 March 2010

Twilight Princess: The Hidden Skills Teacher is Link from Majora's Mask

If you can believe it, we're revisiting Majora's Mask. But not really. For starters, look at this guys sword. It looks like the Great Fairy's Sword, only aged by a lot. And if you look really closely at the shield you can see the gaping mouth of the Mirror Shield.

Couple this with the fact that we last see Link in the Lost Woods, where if you die, you turn into a Stalfos, not to mention the fact that Link probably looked for Navi until he died, and you have a believable theory.

Wednesday, 10 March 2010

Bonus: Just In Case

If you hadn't figured it out, I like the idea of just doing posts from random subjects instead of a series, so I'll just do that from now.

Tuesday, 9 March 2010

Mother 3: Bronson Hates Flint and His Family

It's pretty obvious, in a passive aggressive way. Just think of the comments he makes when he sees Lucas and party washed up or the beach, not to mention Chapter 1 (obviously). Maybe he's angry because, prior to the events of Mother 3, they had an absolutely perfect and loving family, while Bronson appears to be a loner.

I can only wonder why.

Saturday, 6 March 2010

Twilight Princess: Barnes is a Poacher As Well As A Bomb Maker

Oh Barnes, you are possibly the most beloved character in Twilight Princess, right up there with the mailman. And who better than he to be a poacher? Just think for a few minutes. He only ever makes one real type of bomb, the basic one. The other two, the water bomb and the bombling, are found in the wild, doing their own thing. Now, if he were just an ordinary bomb maker, he wouldn't have any idea that the bomblings or bomb fish existed, so he couldn't have modeled it after them to be funny.

But I know what you're thinking. How could Barnes get into the Forest or Lakebed Temple? Well, at this point, you cleared the Forest Temple of dangers, and we can assume that bomb fish roam around Lake Hylia outside of the temple.

Another story to tell the kids from Ordon, eh?

Thursday, 4 March 2010

Twilight Princess: The Twilit Bloat is the Queen of the Shadow Bugs

You guys really need to thank me, because this picture while now plague my pictures folder and my entomophobia. But anyway, just look at this thing. Fat, ugly, and slimy. What else would be good for devouring the complete essence of light, in three different areas? But of course, what could contain that within itself? And what better way for a bug to get rid of those than to give birth to the Shadow Bugs, dispelling  the Tears of Light?

Tuesday, 2 March 2010

Punch-Out!!: Aran Ryan Got His Hands On Soda Popinski's Soda

So, let's say Aran was a gigantic fan boy of Soda Popinski. So much so that he got into his dressing room and stole some of his soda. So, he drank a few bottles of the steroid laced soda, and basically went crazy. He decided on the spot that he wanted to be a boxer like his idol, Popinski, so he picked up a pair of boxing gloves and, crazed by much more soda than his body could take, pretty much destroyed the boxers leading up to him. It would explain why he's so jittery and eccentric.

Hell, he's probably not even Irish! It's just how he hears himself in his mind!