Saturday, 27 February 2010

Super Smash Bros. : It's All In A Child's Imagination

This one was almost implied. Imagine you've gotten a bunch of figurines of your favorite characters from Nintendo games. Joy! And what else to do, but make them fight with each other! The "brawl remixes" are songs in the boys imagination, which obviously can't be the exact same as in the games. The boy's favorite game would be Earthbound, which is where "smash" would come from. Subspace Emissary is the boy's own fantastical story, with his own villains and enemies. Master Hand represents creation, Crazy Hand destruction.

It almost makes too much sense.

Saturday, 20 February 2010

Banjo-Kazooie: Gruntilda-For The Evulz

We all know that Gruntilda is evil. But does she really do it to become pretty, or to be revived? Or does she just do it to be evil?

When she kidnaps Tootie, she shows that she knows about Banjo, and that there will be fighting. She then scatters everything he needs to defeat her about her lair, even going so far as to construct a giant board game rather than just kill him.

And then Banjo-Tooie. I have an idea! Send all of your minions after the one person (two animals?) who can stop you! Shoot him with the giant life-sucking gun!

But she ends up murdering her sisters with a one ton iron instead of ganging up on him, not to mention the fact she goes easy on him if he answers a question.

Nintendo Logic? No, and I hate that phrase.

She's just in it to be evil, or, what with the immortality and all, really really bored.

Thursday, 18 February 2010

Subspace Emissary: Dedede Hires Most of the Characters


 And now for something completely different.

 Bear with me on this. Think of some of the characters that became active over the course of SSE: Snake; Fox; Falco; Captain Falcon; Samus. But most of all, Snake. What exactly do we know about Snake?
  1. He was on a mission.
  2. He's against the Subspace Army.
  3. He remains completely inactive until Dedede becomes a trophy.
Dedede was on the Halberd when it was taken over, he could give Snake access. So, Snake snuck onboard, keeping communication with Dedede using the Codec. He would become active if he was given the signal, or something bad happened to Dedede. He was to retake the Halberd, eliminate the Shadow Bugs, and rescue any captives. If not for other events, this would have completely destroyed the Subspace Army.

And for the other characters, Fox and Falco were to destroy the guns and come aboard to help, Samus and Captain Falcon were sent together to an area, but eventually split up.

Tuesday, 16 February 2010

Earthbound/Mother 2: Giygas is an Unborn Alien (Mindfuck Ahoy)

The one everyone's been waiting for, and boy have I been dreading it. It's a theory so complicated and intricate that it almost blows one's mind that people put this much thought into it. But anyway, first things first. Obviously, if you read between the lines, you can see what it is. If you can't, look for a fetus. Many people believe in the false rumor that this boss was inspired by a rape scene Shigesato Itoi accidentally stumbled in on as a child. Actually, it was based on a traumatic event from Itoi's childhood. It was a scene from a movie, but said movie had no rape scenes. Many people mock Itoi for overreacting. I am not one of those people by a long shot. He was a child, around 5 or 6 I believe. Anyway, the theory is that Giygas is completely innocent, being an unborn baby. The Devil Machine is something of a fetus, and the reason he is in so much pain is because Porky was opening the machine, a la a premature birth. The reason Ness's face pops out of the machine is that Giygas is obsessed with Ness, only wanting to be his friend. This is also the reason he has about 7 lines of "Ness, Ness, Ness, Ness, Ness, Ness...".  Porky does tell you that Giygas is absolute evil. Everything out of Porky's mouth has been a lie so far. The reason you "can't comprehend the true form of Giygas attack" is not because the attack is pure evil, but because he's fighting to defend himself. When you fight Giygas, he isn't evil. You go back in time to abort a fetus, back when he's more vulnerable. Giygas tries several times to end the fight, only wanting to be your friend. Porky, the little bastard, is taunting you and Giygas, calling him an "eternal idiot". The little bastard is taunting you to unwittingly kill an unborn fetus. The LITTLE BASTARD is taunting an UNBORN FETUS to attack someone who he wants to be his friend, and AT THE SAME TIME taunting you to kill an INNOCENT, CONFUSED, even CHILDLIKE creature! And just imagine THAT isn't enough, but listen to this nice little track that plays as Giygas is defeated. Hear any words forming?


But these words are in English, and as this game and it's music originate in Japan, this meaning anything is unlikely.


(Alternate Title: BOOM WALL OF TEXT)

Saturday, 13 February 2010

Pokémon Blue: Pokémon Death

We know that in battles, your Pokémon never die, only faint. However, in one rival battle, he asks you if you've ever had a Pokémon die. Up till now, he's fought with a certain Pokémon. He doesn't in this one. Nor ever again. 

Deep for a Pokémon game, but nevertheless incredibly supported.

[Note: If you can get an image of that text, you're awesome.]

Friday, 12 February 2010

New Topic Remains Undecided

But never fear! Although there is no definite new topic,  we will be covering a number of random topics, including a certain post I've wanted to do for a long time. Stay tuned for it on Saturday!

Wednesday, 10 February 2010

Bye, Bye, Punch Out!!

It's been fun. However, we've exhausted every lead, and you and I both know what that means! I have to scramble for a new topic lest I displease the 10 people who read this! So, when it has been found out, you'll get an update.

Monday, 8 February 2010

Meh News and Good News

Unfortunately, due to my schedule, from now on I'll be posting on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. You might be thinking, "But that's exactly the same amount of posts as before!" Well, it is. These days just suit me one-hundred percent better, so instead of being smeh, and writing three lame updates a week, I feel good and write 3 great updates a week. We all win!  

So instead of a post today we get... EASTER EGGS IN ZELDA GAMES! 
Every picture above is real.

Friday, 5 February 2010

Doc Louis and Mr. Sandman: Competing For Champion at the Same Time?

Imagine that Doc Louis and Mr. Sandman are brothers. They both wanted to be the champ, and both trained as hard as they could. Both made it all the way to the Champion, but Mr. Sandman got there first. Doc Louis couldn't bear to take his brother in the ring, so he realized that he would never become the World Champion. He spiraled into a deep depression, causing him to gorge on chocolate bars. And then he met Little Mac, and realized this kid had potential. His potential. So, he placed all his hopes on him.

Of course, most people probably believe this just because they're both black.

Thursday, 4 February 2010

Glass Joe: Payed To Be A Jobber?


Look at this guy. He doesn't even look like he wants to be in a fight, much less the ring. He's taken 99 of 100 falls in the fights he's had, with the win probably being the first fight he was ever in, where he actually tried. From there he was picked up to be a jobber. Either that or the fight was against this guy. All the other boxers at least try to fall respectfully, but he flies backward, dropping croissants no less, and thuds on to the ground as powerfully as he can. Now, I know you shouldn't give up, but I think any regular boxer, after losing 99/100 times, would have pursued a career in something more intellectual. But maybe that's just me.

Could Every Player Use One Cheat?

Cheating is wrong, kids.

This one is pretty plausible. Think about EVERY player in this game (Glass Joe non withstanding, of course), then think about the cheats they've used. Let's look back on them...

  • Soda Popinski: Life-regaining soda
  • Great Tiger: uh... Floating
  • Bald Bull: Using his head
  • Aran Ryan: Horseshoes in his gloves
And then of course, all the players can use TWO cheats when fighting the Champion, which explains all of Title Defense mode. And those who haven't used cheats before, such as Glass Joe, are probably using one now, such as protective headgear.

To me, it seems intentional.


So sorry for not posting yesterday, but my router had a "DUR HUR YUR GROUNDED FROM THE INTERNET" moment, which has been happening all too frequently lately. Count this as Wednesday's post, and I'll still post on Friday.


As a matter of fact, I'll actually post another one today, and another tomorrow, to show how much I appreciate anyone out there who reads this.

Monday, 1 February 2010

Could Title Defense Sandman Have Wanted Little Mac To Win?

Think about it. TD Sandman only had one new move, the Wink Punch. While being the only move in the entire game not telegraphed by the boxer flashing red, it is also the only move telegraphed by the boxer himself. While the titular wink could just fit in with his theme of sleeping, it looks to me more like, "I'm about to hit you, so move out of the way." Maybe he didn't want to bother being champion anymore, what with the cheating galore from your opponents. 

Pretty interesting, if you ask me.